no way
July 07, 2006
i hope it will never happen even again. i hope it wont.
they have no right at all. no right to critisize us. no right to scold our girls. i admit. its my fault. its our fault for not turning up when we said we will. i know and i admit. so stop blaming me. stop pushing the fault to me. i admit it now ! and im sorry, okay ? so so so STOP asking me.
CL is never easy to be. people just dont understand. anything that went wrong, the first person they find will be you. and even if its not your fault, it WILL be your fault. this is the thing i never find it able to accept. till now, the same thing happen. im responsible for everything. and sometimes, im really irritated by it. i dont understand why the fault is always on me ? this time round, i
ADMIT its my fault. why can others dun turn up and end up with just some simple naggings ? people just let off them. and the thing is, they dun blame them. they blame me ! i understand why. cos im the CL. i have to show a good example. i know. and i know it all. im regretting i did not turn up. i really am. and im truly sorry. okay ?
i always find it hard to accept the fact. life is so unfair. and i dont understand why would anyone want to be the CL ? to carry that whole load of stress. i've carried it and i understand. im not good in handling stress. but i have to accept the fact. AND im equally sad that people actually looked down on guides. i knew all about it. stop saying as if im happy others looked down on us. im damm pissed okay ? im still a guide afterall ! not only those who are devoted to guides would feel sad . i am EQUALLY SAD. why cant people just think more into something ? why does people only look at the surface ? why cant people acknowledge those backcrews ? acknowledge those who helped quietly behind ? why why and why ?!!!! you dont judge a book by its cover. you read the book thoroughly and judge. im sad. im sad people actually think that i dont feel sad at all. yes. i might not be as devoted as others. but im a guide ! i understand the feeling of people looking down on us. its not as if im not a guide ! stop hearing one side of the story.
im ultra emotional right now. im pissed. im sad. no one fully understands me.
