June 16, 2006
i would be lying if i say im okay. i would be lying if i say im happy.
i hate myself for being like this. sometimes i really wonder why have my mood swings been coming by so much lately. maybe im suffering from minor depression. or maybe im possessed. is it true when people say when you looked tough from outside, you are actually weak. and when you looked weak from the outside , you are actually some tough person. but its true when i said i had a fun day. i really had. and i even thought that it would make me normal again. i was happy that day. just talking and taking photos with pohyee and yufen. it really did cheered me up abit. but, the next day my mood swings start all over again. its not working.
i hate myself for pulling long faces. i hate myself for always saying things i thought wouldnt hurt people but hurt others. i hate staying at home staring at the com. i hate reading upon something i dont want to read. i hate myself for putting so much thoughts in small little things. i hate liars. but i myself lied. i hate hypocrites. i hate the world for being so cruel. i hate people cos they only look at things itself and never recognize people behind the scenes. i hate people who showed favouritism. i hate things always going wrong. i hate myself for always running away from reality. i hate myself for not admitting mistakes. i hate myself for always finding excuses. i hate people cos they are so gossipy. i hate so much things. and all this hatred are building up over the years. its making my life so miserable. i need school. i need my friends. i need to go crazy again. or im going to break down any moment. if only i could just write everything here. and only let people whom i trusted and wanted to read.
