emotional shit
May 18, 2006
im feeling really emotional. all those mood swings lately. i seriously doesnt know what's wrong with me. i tried to be crazy but it just wont last long. im not my usual self. and i guessed many realized. i wasnt in a really good mood to answer to mr. malcolm tan today. and im glad he did not reprimand me. instead he showed his concern. he can be nice at times. oh well .. im so frustrated of myself.
what's with me lately ? i got pissed really easily cos' of some small little things. and i tried my very best to control my temper and to keep my smile. the smile would just fade away.. its no use .
maybe its my result. maybe its the warm weather. maybe is cos' of some other stuffs. but im really sorry for people who msg me last night and got some bit of my temper. my results are really bad this time. and im sorry to say this. but it irritated me when people say their results are bad when their results are far more better then mine. with all those As they scored and they still find it horrible. i cant blame them but myself. i guessed i woke up a little this time round. and i promised myself to study really hard for my prelims and o levels. june holiday will be my only chance. im going to learn to be like zhiling. im truly disappointed of myself this time round. my results dropped extremely lot. and the only subject that i maintained is my maths. but i knew i can do a hell lots better. i couldnt bear to count my L1R5 and not even my L1R4. i knew it would be horrible with a large 2 digit number. no use crying over it but i still did.
THIS really woke me up.
you have to put in an equal value of effort to acheive your goal. you have to sacrifice something to gain something. i guess there wont be frequent playing, frequent outings for me anymore. i cant afford to do badly anymore. every paper i got back hit me real hard. i nearly fainted from those hits. im utterly
disappointed, distressed, aghast . i wouldnt be able to take it if i got the same worse results at my prelims or o levels. i knew i wont. and im afraid.
major breakdown....
