July 14, 2005
elaine mdm send me a msg. a very sweet msg. i always thought she is a very fierce and anti - social person. i guess she proves me wrong. I'm surprised she actually wrote this msg for me. i nearly cried. (( : i just realize she's not as bad as i thought of. she always seem so stern. this message meant alot to me. it changes everything. she seems like a big sister to me and i don't feel so scared of her suddenly. im just felt so glad she wrote it for me.
i read weihwan's blog after i read elaine mdm msg. and i felt so sad and angry once again. i never wanted to be the CL . maybe yes when i was in sec 2. but this year, i never thought of being the CL. there's so much to do. and alot of people don't want me to be the CL. i knew it . i always knew it. i'm just so sad and troubled. i dread guides . i hate going to guides and seeing everyone i was once so close with. what's happening? what actually is happening ? i can't be too fierce. they won't like it. but if i'm too lenient, what will happen ? yes. im scared. i'm truly scared. i don't want to go guides. i don't want to shout. i don't want to see the company. my brother said i'm dumb.
people waited for their whole lives to be the CL, they wish so much to be the CL and yet i'm at there complaining i'm the CL , that the rank is too big.hais. -
tears are stinging my eyes.
