March 18, 2005
im so blardee tired. im like going to pulau ubin fer 2 times in a week. gosh! n im so badly tanned. dere's tis toner value at my neck n legs n hands. goodness. my neck colour n my body colour had such big CONTRAST LOR! thanx to grandpa sun. went sch todae. was late. kena punished by doing 30 star jumps. yeah. n my muscles hurts now. aniwae.. still did not tok to her. not going to elaborate on her. we took bus go. den took a boat ride to pulau ubin. (( : stupid boat. bump so much. hahas. walk. walk. walk. plae. plae. plae. walk. walk. walk. and walk somemore. saw many flora n fauna. pretti plants n animals. i saw a WILD BOAR!! a LIVE one! hahas. we were attacked by hornet. = x saw a beautiful peacock. saw lots of things. n on the way.. me n zhiling was luffin n luffin. foolin arnd as usual. was kinda being ps by my bunch of friends. but ... oh well.. forget it. things juz change. we ate nasi lemak esp prepared fer us. walk walk n walk. did lots of things. n eu noe wat? kaixuan's bro is one of our instructors. or whatever eu call dem. hahas. he's so damn cool lor. with tat sunglasses he wore. nice body. super big muscles he hab on his legs. handsome. hahas. went back to singapore. hahas. i've tasted how salty ish the sea water. it juz splash n splash. it's juz too bad i cant bring my camera. = [ but oh well... (( : was in the same boat as her. as usual.. we din tok. i was juz wonderingg. y people juz kept callin me to tok to her. n nv call her to tok to me. it's not fair kaes. it's not all my fault. partly ish her fault too lor. i cant stand people callin me to tok to her. to apologize to her. why not she apologize me.. y not she tok to me first? hmmpf ! was ps once again in the bus. dey all sat together. n im alwae left alone. i've said fer a million times TAT I HATE BEING PS lor. asshole. stupid. but at least yufen came to sit with me. yufen ish da best. everyone juz kept being with her. tis totally sucks mann. everything juz sucks. hmmpf. so blardee angry once i tok abt all tis things. went ang bo kio with hwan after tat. was reali tired. but seeing weihwan so ke lian nobody pei her. i pei her lor. im good kaes? i still pei her even when im so blardee tired n i reali wanna bathe. saw my auntie. chatted with her. and she treat me drink soya bean. i wanted to ask her whether tat shi wenbing,ben ish my cousin anot. coz dey look so damn alike. toking abt my tis two cousins. dey both hab damn great looks. so shuai. hahas. ate "rotiboy" recommended by weihwan. yupz. it's so yummy. so delicious. nice mann. went homee. bought my things fer obs camp. i realized obs camp took up half of pulau ubin. i was like " wow " ! hahas. had a fun dae actually. juz tat i feel pangsei. i feel tat we are not as close as last time animore. hais. do eu all think i wan all tis things to happen? i dun wan to quarrel with jiat wan. who wants? eu think i purposely wan all tis to happen mahhx? tis ish me. tis ish serene tan. tis ish my character. wat do eu expect? i've not been in my real self when im with ur. do all ur noe tat? ur do not noe. im more true.. more real with my feelings.. with my character when im with my bunch of good friends. tis ish wat i called true real friends. those are real friends where dey would be with eu whenever eu r down. im reali wild when im with dem. but when im with ur.. i cant be wild. my actions.. my character.. my attitude... has a limit. i cant do tis coz i worried tat ur wont like it. i cant do tat coz i worried . i worried tat u all will be blardee angry.. i cant tolerate things tat i dun like. who can tolerate? i juz cant tolerate people gibin me attitude. i cant tolerate me being pangsei. tis ish the real me. euu all still dunno. euu all still tink im the innocent quiet gal izzit? im not. i repeat im not the gurl eu think i am. tis quarrel between me n jiat... i realized tat... eu all... i juz dunno how to sae. i noe at the back... eu all blame me. sae tat tish ish all my fault. everyone ish siding with her. when euu all said tis... hab eu ever cared abt my feelings? ever think abt how i feel? ur juz side with her. ur juz wan me to start toking to her.. juz wan me to apologize to her. ever think abt me? ever think abt how i feel mahhx? im sad. im blardee dissappointed. why does things juz turn out like tis. u all side with her. only yufen ish in the middle who do not side anione. IM DAMN BLARDEE ALONE DO EU ALL NOE TAT?!!! im dreading the dae we go obs. coz i noe.. i will be so pangsei again. eu all nv think of how i feel. only think abt how she feel. my feelings.. my sadness.. anione felt it? im sad abt all tis. stop thinkin tat im not bothered by tis blardee quarrel. im so damn bothered by tish things. *sobz* yesh. im cryin now. i am!! when things were good.. and no one quarrel... euu all juz stick arnd with me.. i still remembered felicia called me everytime to tok... i still remembered weihwan... alwae toking to me... alwae with me.. and now... when all tish things happen... where are all the people? where?!!!!! dey ran away and be with her. yesh. euu all juz run away. i had enuff of all tish. * sob* i reali had enuff. god.... could euu juz pls end all tis thingss. stop fooling arnd with me. i reali had enuff. i REALI REALI HAD ENUFF. i had enuff. i had enuff! *sobz*im sad. im sho damn blardee sad. anione knows? anione care ?
no..........
