March 14, 2005
been kinda sad lately. tinkin thru alot. maybe ish the fact tat im left by myself at homee. so i tends to tink too much. but i told weihwan... everythingg. things tat i told myself im nv ever goingg to sae it outt. things tat i tot i would forget. things tat i hope would heals. things tat i tink i can nv forget in my life time. duringg camp.. in the nite.. when everyone ish asleep. i told weihwan. tis ish sth which i reali doesnt wan anione to noe. these memories.... i juz kept thinkin back. i juz kept thinkin back. im lookin at the past when im told myself to look at the future. things juz arent the same ever since tat dae. ever since tat things happen. ever since things changed. things tat changed my life forever. i noe i shouldnt be thinkin abt all tis things. but somehow... i juz kept thinkin. i dreamt of it yesterdae nite. yesh. i dream of it once again. n i reali hope i din wake up from tat dream. if oni dreams do come true.... if oni... if only things dun end up like tis. if only euu did not changed. if oni im not tat shy.. if only i could be more brave... if only i stop thinkin abt all tis things. if oni things arent so complicated. i noe i would nv forget. even if i tried to forget.. i noe i wouldnt be happier. if only i could go back to the past. if only euu treated me the first time we met. haiss. things are juz not the same animore. i mish euu lots. i mish euu alot. i mish those times. i mish everythings we did together. i mish the way eu look at me. the way euu praise me. the way euu joke arnd. why muz things change? haiss. i noe i shouldnt been thinkin abt all tis as i hab him. i noe i shouldnt. but i juz cant control how my mind thinks. those days had reali leave a reali reali deep impression. and the worse thing ish tat i saw his ex. yesh. i saw the girl who he stead b4 me. n i noe she noes me and she saw me. i dunno. i reali dunno. n i reali wish i could stop thinking. i could juz simply stop all tis.been thinkin thru alot. im in such a dilemma rite now. i dunno wat to do. im juz reali sorri. reali sorri fer neglecting euu. but somehow i hab to tink. i hab to think wat i shld do now. if we juz continue... it's not fair to euu. blame it on me. blame on how my mind works. blame him fer leavin such a deep impression on me tat i juz cant seem to forget. i noe i wont hab a chance with him animore. i noe i will nv hab. but i can juz continue to lie to euu. i juz cant decieve euu animore. it's not fair to both of us. my heart ish not with euu. i tried everythin. maybe im juz tinkin too much. maybe is the appearing of her tat makes me think all tis. maybe tis ish juz all my thoughts. maybe all tis ish not true. i dun wanna lose euu. i noe i dun wan. i noe eu r good to me. i noe. i noe. im juz going crazi. i dunno wat to do....whyy muz euu appear? y muz i noe euu in the first place? whyy muz i fall in love wif eu? if only...............................................
